The Monkee Pages

23/02/2011

Tila Tequila can't eat pussy for shit!
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: CannotBeUnseen

Okay so I just heard about this this morning, and had to find it. It was quite easy the whole thing was on the front page of XVideos my go to site for what ever is out there. Yes it's Tila Tequila, yes she looks like a gremlin, yes she has fake tits, and no she can not eat pussy to save her life. It's funny, depressing, and surprisingly well shot for a home movie that nobody was meant to see! Yeah right this looks better than some pro shot stuff on the market. Is there still a market for porn? I mean it's all free online, who is out there still buying DVDs and magazines? The so-called "reality" TV bullshit is no different than armature porn, and Ms. Tequila is no different than a armature whore. Enjoy!

Posted by the1truel at 5:08 PM PST
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Coctomom!?!
Mood:

lazy
Topic: comedy

So remember when that one porn company wanted to buy the Octomom a house for fucking on camera? She thought it was better for her reputaion as woman who pops out kids like some Korean women pop out ping-pong balls, if she didn't. We're gonna say good call because we don't believe a pussy that's shot out a litter as anything anyone should ever want to see! I mean I feel bad for the doctors and nurses who had to witness that freak show unfold and we feel doubly bad for the eight pups that now have to go through life as one of the Octomoms broad both those that were here before the platoon poped out and the platoon itself. So anyway, we digress. It would seem that they went ahead with the flick anyway, just using some barely known washed up 90's porn starlet who now makes her living playing the MILF or the Cougar in the MILF/Cougar fetish line that seems tyo be real popular right now with the kids! Behol; Coctomom

Posted by the1truel at 4:59 PM PST
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17/02/2011

Babe of the Week: Proxy Paige
Mood:

a-ok
Topic: babe of the week

Okay so here's a fresh face for ya to spank the monkey to, a sweet looking little skater babe by the name of Proxy! When I was in my youth I would always fantasize about the cute little girls that seemed to flock to all my skater friends. I couldn't skate and most of them in my neck of the woods were afraid of my big Monkee dick, so all I could do was admire them from afar and wonder what it would be like to get one of these tiny cuties bent over. Now that porn has become so micro diverse that any type of female can be found I have come across one of those girls I used dream about! Proxy Paige is a pierced up little hottie way too young to have been around in the nineties, but she's got 20 (count'em 20) piercings and a adorable look that makes the blood rush to the tip if you know what I mean. Not the usual type featured here on the Monkee Pages, but you gotta diversify.

From: USA
Born: 1990
Age: 20
Natural Tits: Yes
Piercing: I have 20
Tattoos: On My Foot
Measurements: 32B-25-37

Website: ProxyPaige.com

Posted by the1truel at 1:03 PM PST
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Fetish of the Week; Smothering
Mood:

caffeinated
Topic: fetish of the week

Smothering is not the term for people who jerk off to the Smothers Brothers (yes I'm that old), no smothering is a term for face sitting. Often involving large or obese women squatting down on some scrawny little white guy and giving him more than he can swallow! Seems this little fetish is picking up in popularity, but in fact it's quite old and has been apart of the deviant handbook for sometime! I ws unaware about alot of this, simply because I'm not into submission (for myself). And after a lifetime of porn most of my fantasies involve some rather drk abusive stuff that doesn't come off as kind to most females. According to Wikipedia the fetish is also known as queening and is pretty common. They also mention something called a smotherbox. Which if (like me) you read comics, the name conjurs images of the Motherbox from the DC universe! Th

ough the concept of the Jack Kirby created device is closer to that of an omnipitent Iphone rather than some box to smoosh guys faces up girls asses! The motherbox t(to me) seems more appealing and rational. I like going down town as much as the next guy, and I've had my time in the land of the plumplers, but smothering seems a bit much. Not only that you never seem to see any guys large enough to handle it fixated with this fetish. It seems like many male submissive fetishes to be geared to smaller males. Men who already feel weak and depreciated in their everyday lives! I have always wondered about men who feel the need to be dominated. Was it something that happened with theire mothers at an early age, or simply a product of our society? There are a lot of questions about what makes a person attracted to certain things. I mean why am I attracted to tatted up sluts and loose women. My mother was neither, in fact she was the opposite. Am I rebelling against her? That's niether here nor there, so back to the smothering!

Posted by the1truel at 12:44 PM PST
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The Simpsons as you've never seen them!
Mood:

cheeky
Topic: comedy

It's 42 minutes, enjoy!

Posted by the1truel at 12:42 PM PST
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11/02/2011

Things That Cannot be Unseen
Mood:

celebratory
Topic: CannotBeUnseen

So another new segment in the Monkee Pages! That which cannot be Unseen will be a collection of images that you want to tear your eyes out to forget!

Posted by the1truel at 9:48 PM PST
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10/02/2011

Out with Emo, In with Hipsters
Mood:

cheeky

This ladies and Gent's (or just gents really) this is Tiffany Star and she is due for a Babe of the Week spotlight but until we get to her...

Posted by the1truel at 6:02 PM PST
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Headless Lizzy and her Icebox Pussy
Mood:

smelly
Topic: Horny Music

Why do such crappy bands have such wonderful names. This could possibly be one of the best/worst of those!

Posted by the1truel at 5:59 PM PST
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09/02/2011

Freaks of Nature:Penelope Black Diamond
Mood:

d'oh
Topic: Freaks of Nature

So we're going to kick off things with a new segment; Freaks of Nature! This is where we will showcase the bizarre babes and sexual oddities we come across. They may be self made freaks in some cases but we'll try to stick with characters that are genuinely freaky not some dude with a big plastic shlong, but maybe a chick with insanely huge fake boobs.

Case in point our first inductee into the Freaks of Nature category; Miss Penelope Black Diamond!

Penelope Black Diamond Pictures

Now if you've ever read this blog before you know that big breasted, dark-haired women with tats are our bread and butter! Daphne Rosen, Gianna Micheals, Lisa Ann, the list goes on. It's kinda our thing around here. And at first glance there seems to be little special about this European beauty than the fact that she has ginormous fake knockers! But if that were it she wouldn't really be a freak of Nature just a bizarre rich Europeans guys wet dream Bride of Frankenstein creation. She's got a bush which lets you know she's a.) European, and b.) down for the cause! Yet it's when checking out her furry muff that we notice a little something different about this broad! She also sporting about ten pounds of metal from her labia!

Now that's a freak! She (to us anyways) is quite pretty and would have been a hot model even without all the outrageous plastic surgery! But then you get down a little further and see that not only is she hanging weights off her beef curtains, but she's walking around on these things that she calls feet but look more like they belong on a rooster than on a woman! And not only that but she's selling these as one of her best features. Now we're all for making lemonade out of lemons, but damn girl those things look like they could qualify you as inter-species!

Foot fetish has always been something that has totally escaped me personally. I can't speak for other Monkees in the Armada, but never understood the love of big stinky feet. I mean it's good to have them, but do I need to put them in my mouth!?! needless to say this broad is doing alright for herself carving out a nitch for crow-footed, super-tits, with door knockers hanging from her crotch fetishist over in Europe and has some what of following here in the States, but she is certainly a freak of Nature and just the first we are going to be bring to the Monkee Pages so enjoy these clips and stay in the trees!

Posted by the1truel at 6:35 PM PST
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Back in the Saddle Again!

We're back and blazing with ton's of new and old whores for you to spankyour monkee to! Long story short we had some computer troubles, but that's all behind us now! We have come full circle here and we want to drop s much hot monkee-fucking biotches on each and everyone of you!True belivers the next wave of Armada endorsed gals are coming down the pike so stay tuned!

Posted by the1truel at 2:50 PM PST
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